D'Arcy's tribute to Joe Cain

I know we all feel a sense of profound loss with the passing of my father Joe. At the same time I hope that we can all celebrate the life he lived and the gifts that he left behind. One of the best of these gifts to me was laughter. My father used to love to laugh and found occasions to do so all the time. There was nothing at all reserved about Joe's laughter. It was honest and unrestrained. I think that that is why you will notice the many times over the last few days that his children, as saddened as we all are, have found humour in many aspects of our father's passing. Please know that our laughter is not a lack of respect but rather an homage to Joe.

I think that the best tribute I can give to my father is to send him on his way with a funny story about eulogies. I hope that you find this funny and that you help me send my father on amidst gales of laughter. I know that he would be laughing the loudest if he could.

Brothers Mike and Seamus O'Malley were the two richest men in town, and complete bounders both of 'em. They swindled the Church out of its property, foreclosed on the orphanage and cheated widows out of their last penny and that was just for starters.

Finally Seamus up and dies, and Mike pays a visit to the priest. "Father," he says, "my good name will be upheld in this town. You'll be givin' the eulogy for me brother, and in that eulogy you are going to say "Seamus O'Malley was truly a saint."

"I won't do such a thing. T'would be a lie!"

"I know you will," says Mike. "I hold the mortgage on the parish school, and if you don't say those words, I'll foreclose."

The priest is over a barrel. "And if I pledge to say those words, then you'll sign the note over free and clear?"

"Done," cackles Mike, and he signs over the note.

Next morning at the funeral, the priest begins the eulogy:

"Seamus O'Malley was a mean-spirited, spiteful, penurious, lying, cheating, arrogant and hateful excuse for a human being. But compared to his brother, Mike,...

Seamus O'Malley was truly a saint."

Last Update: October 21, 2009
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